Sunday, June 21, 2009

a rambling.

I was staring out the window from the back seat of my mom's Volvo on our way to a jazz concert for Father's Day when the weight of conflict broke my back. I've been told since I've come back home that I seem gloomy and that I should deal with the things that are weighing me down, and I've begun work on that, but man, the things that are causing me distress are really...distressing.

One thing that sticks out to me now is that the world (or society, either will work) that we live in isn't conducive to the types of things I want to see in my life. I want to walk the earth with nothing but some faith, food, and skills, like being able to make really good tea or give killer massages or have really good, open conversations. Just meet with people who do good, honest work and grow from my travels.

But in this lovely capitalistic economy, it's nearly impossible to drop off the grid, let alone meet someone doing good, honest work for the sake of doing good, honest work.

And when I reflect on it, maybe walking the Earth isn't the best thing for me right now, because while God is sustaining me, he's barely an afterthought in my life right now. So actually, maybe walking the Earth would force me to rely, and that's good, right?

But I'm not walking the Earth anytime soon. That's the conflict. So what is my life supposed to look like? I just feel as if I was born for another time most of the time.

I guess that's it.


  © Blogger template 'Minimalist E' by 2008

Back to TOP